The age of ten isn\u2019t just a number\u2014it’s a whole era of change. Your little girl, who was once content with simple toys, is now interested in the latest fashion trends, is forming her first real and lasting friendships, and may even be texting or chatting about things you know little about. How can you stay connected with your daughter and help her grow up confident in herself?<\/p>\n
“Don\u2019t cry,” “Stop being dramatic,” “You\u2019re overreacting”\u2014these phrases don\u2019t help your daughter understand her feelings better. They can also promote negative stereotypes about females. Instead of blocking her emotions, teach her how to express them in a healthy way. If she’s angry, encourage her to tell you what’s bothering her rather than slamming doors. If she’s sad, let her share her feelings instead of shutting down.<\/p>\n
A great practice is naming emotions aloud: talk about different feelings; how they show up through feelings, thoughts, and physically; and what to do about them. The better she understands herself, the easier it will be for her to manage her emotions.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t dismiss your daughter\u2019s problems. While a fight over matching backpacks may seem trivial to you, for her, it\u2019s a big deal. If she comes to you upset about a friend, don\u2019t brush her off\u2014listen. A great response in these situations is: “I understand you’re upset. Tell me what happened?”<\/p>\n
Yes, it\u2019s easier to pick out her jacket, sign her up for activities, and choose what goes in her lunchbox. But at 10, it\u2019s time for her to start making decisions for herself. Start simple: let your daughter choose what to wear, how to decorate her space, and what to do in her free time. She needs to know that her opinion matters!<\/p>\n
It might seem obvious, but many parents still unintentionally hurt their daughters’ self-esteem. Even a passing comment like, “You should look neat because you’re a girl,” can sting.<\/p>\n
If she asks, “Am I pretty?” try responding with: “What do you think?” or “You\u2019re amazing, and it\u2019s not just about how you look.” That said, it is still an area that may occupy her thoughts, so also think about suggesting, \u201cMost of us feel better about ourselves when we practice self-care. What do you think would be good ways for you to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n
At 10, girls are old enough to start understanding how money works. Think about giving your daughter a small fixed allowance for the week and talk about how to manage it. Teach her how to save, make choices, and understand that money doesn\u2019t appear out of nowhere.<\/p>\n
Does she love cooking? Awesome. Is she into skateboarding? Fantastic!. Don\u2019t limit her interests with ideas like “girls don\u2019t do that.” Let her explore different activities, even if it\u2019s coding, robotics, or soccer.<\/p>\n
This is a key skill for building healthy relationships. If your daughter is shy about giving compliments or brushing them off when she receives them, discuss it. Start with simple compliments: praise her for her actions, teach her to notice the good in others, and encourage her to thank people for kind words. Encourage her to practice doing the same for others.<\/p>\n
Her body, her things, and her emotions belong to her. If someone grabs her phone without asking, hugs her when she doesn\u2019t want it, or asks uncomfortable questions, she can say “Stop.” Have this conversation regularly.<\/p>\n
And most importantly, respect her boundaries yourself! Never read her diary, never laugh at her feelings, and don\u2019t force her to hug relatives “just because.”<\/p>\n
“No” is a boundary, too. Teach your daughter to use this powerful word not just for safety (which, of course, comes first), but also in everyday situations:<\/p>\n
This is an important skill that will help her avoid pressure and toxic relationships in the future. Notice that the examples include the \u201cwhy.\u201d This is helpful as it gives the person on the receiving end less reason to keep pushing.<\/p>\n
Teach your daughter to listen to her body: if she\u2019s tired, she needs rest; if she\u2019s upset, she should talk about it; if someone crosses her boundaries, she needs to speak up. One of the most important lessons to instill in her from an early age: taking care of yourself is crucial and necessary. You’re the only one of you you’ve got!<\/p>\n
Cover image: A.Ozerova\/Shutterstock.com<\/p>\n\t\t